since calvin left for sa0 paulo 2 weeks ago, my usual separation-anxiety frenzy i'd go into weeks in advance that required fastitdious planning to eschew (see? without you, i rapidly disintegrate into the crazy lady who babbles & nods incoherently to herself, or to a can of peas) has seriously plummeted. and i am actually missing not having corny jokes thrown at my head again and again.* i've also not had more than 3 hours of sleep at a time for atleast a month. so maybe there's some connection, but i can't say. talk to me when i've had 4.
he's on a plane back to shanghai as i write this, and thus the apartment seems to reverberate with anticipation and the rooms seem warmer already. it was odd how easily we had gotten used to being without the presence of the other. i usually go into freak imagination mode and check my locks 8 times during the day -but was actually starting to get used to catching up for a few minutes with the super pixelated chuck close painting/max hedroom version of him.
we've never been party animals (except that one time on 6th street after we closed big bar with andrew and kevin and then crashed a house party and cal got cornered dancing with a lady thrice his size whlie i laughed my ass off) and our much more quiet life together since getting pregnant has truly become a touchstone for both of us at the end of the day. just feeling the other's nearness sometimes is enough.
kay. going to check my locks, put on a garlic necklace and then going to bed.
*knock knock. who's there? baht. baht who? bahtman."