. . . . . . . . . : : : : l i t t l e p a d : : : : . . . . . . . . . . . . . : s h a n g h a i : . . . . . .

before and after lunch

moments like these

tonight we were trying especially long to get the little guy to fall asleep when calvin looked down at spencer and said, don't worry, if you call us we'll come back right away.  as long as we're here, it will always be like that, if you ever need us for anything.

monster with sideburns ballin'

here' s a picture of spencer watching his big screen t.v. with his boy, machine man.  he's chillin in his sid vicious onesie anna & bryan got him from brooklyn on his luxurious fur blankie from bev & mo.  respect!

grandmommers by net

Date:     Wed, 19 Jul 2006 11:21:39 -0400
From:    "grace wang" <grace.fengchuli@gmail.com>  View Contact Details View Contact Details   Add Mobile Alert
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To:    "angela wu" <angie@wuchin.com>
Subject:    Happy B'day (one month) Spencer!!!

Please give Spencer a big kiss and hug for grandmommers.  You made it!!  I miss you and love you very much.  Please be good for your mom and dad, they work very hard to make this first 30 days.  Grandmommers will call later to talk to your mommy, hopefully you would be able to made some noise (maybe not?) to make grandmommers know that you still remember her.

xoxoxoxo grandmommers

spewer alley's little red finger

went to check out spencer's finger at the shanghai children's hospital.

the tip of his middle finger on his left hand looks like it's been dipped in bright red ink.  i notice it when he gives me the bird (usually if he's crying by the time i get to nurse him).  the doctor said it's a birthmark, and should disappear eventually.  it's really kind of interesting, now that i know it's not harmful, and wonder if it will stay a part of him his adult life.  i have what my mom lovingly coined a "beauty mark", essentially a big ass mole, on my right hand that is identical to my dads.  after he died, she told me that it was something that would always connect me to him, and made me special, and i've always loved it.

the hospital receipt read:  spewer alley wuchin

spewer alley.  maybe if he joins as rock and roll band - matches his little wispy mohawk.

"the don's" growth spurt

hi.  been a bit crazy this past week (on our own) since ayi wu had a family crisis and has to leave us temporarily, i have to start packing our belongings for our move in 2 weeks (and find time to let the landlord know), and the little guy has been on a insane hourly feeding "schedule" which we can only guess has to do with a newborn growth spurt.  so i'm writing this with one eye half shut in our spencer-nadoed apartment ...

we've named "the don" since his chubby face looks positively commandingly brando-esque while being burped upright, he's just missing the little tuxedo. other comparisons have arisen, like "scarface", due to the way he slowly uncurls his fingers and balls up his fists while nursing.  "first you get the milk.  then you get the money.  then you get the power." 

"mommy has a face, you know," cal says to spencer these days.

first big smile

he loves books! 

'specially this one that gary & shannon gave him, about a little kitten that wants to go to sleep.

puo puo's wish for baby spencer

this morning i strugged especially hard to keep my eyes open to talk to my mom, since this is her last day with me.  she started to remember her own youth, her own mother, and revealed some details of our family.  there are so many stories during in china during the 1940s, many of your families have stories similar to mine.

i hope spencer will remember how much his puo puo loves him, all the late nights she spent up with me, her neck and back support tightly strapped on, ready to smother him with kisses, teach him chinese rhymes and change his diaper for the 3rd time at 5 am, so he could be just a bit more comfortable, and i could rest. how she took unrelenting care of me so i could take care of spencer.  i never would have imagined my mom to be so affectionate, animated by this little creature, but how i saw how she must have been with me when i was a baby, 10 lifetimes ago.

i think if puo puo wants one thing for spencer - and she wants a LOT - it is to know that God loves him.  that she and i couldn't have made it without a plan and larger-than-human strength we drew from God during our hardest moments, and that he's got one for spencer too.  without knowing this, i don't think she'd feel at peace leaving.   

it's unspeakably hard to have fused together the way we did these past couple of months, and then have it ripped away, familiarly.  i feel the sadness unto death.  the instability of both of our lives, what we will return to and become is somewhat uncertain, surprising.  as life is, as she always reminds me.

i think i understand on a much deeper level now, a need and desire to sacrifice for your child - and what's more, that this isn't something every mother or grandmother would feel, which makes me see and appreciate her differently.

thank you mom.  for being here with me and spencer when we really needed you, and for loving us with your every being.

reuinted, hey, hey

calvin came home today from paris.

came home bursting with gifts from his classmates for spencer, from sylvie, and from daddy too.  loads of adorable toys, clothes for spencer and for pretty (loose fitting) clothes for mommy, too.  calvin even made a special trip to paris this morning to buy me the most beautiful macaroons from a patisserie called laduree, so they'd be fresh for the flight home.  he bought spencer a funny red stuffed robot that my mom kept calling "machine man!" it's nice to have him back.

 

there is still a lot to take care of, with the rental contract, and figuring out how to move in the next 2 weeks after i recover.  but i'm relieved he's home, and safely.  he couldn't believe how much our spencer had grown, including a fauxhawk he's now sporting.  he's really so good with him, spencer has been sleeping an average of 3-4 hours since calvin came home.

when i woke up this morning, my mom was cleaning, doing laundry and dishes and holding spencer with that a totally contented, peaceful and amused smile on her face.  i'm going to miss her so much when she leaves.  i know he will too.

great news for my nai nais and me

the new system works great. i finally hooked up the medela pump in style colleen & dirk brought me (and naho recommended) - and i have to say, it's my new breast friend.

compared to the advent handpump, which is like a rough-around-the-edges-baracuda attacking my nipples, the pump in style is gentle, imiates a baby's nursing, and my nai-nais feel so much better!  i was amazed to see how much i could pump at once - almost 160 ml.  this precious supply was put in the fridge and heated up by my mom so i could get some rest last night. even though it lasted through 2 feedings, i woke up to pump again and then went back to rest.

i really hope this new system will work great for when calvin returns tomorrow.  he can feed at night for 2 shifts, while mom gets some much needed sleep to recover.

oh, and we got the apartment!!!  we move in august!