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china fertility barracks, sir!

sigh.  falling in love.  who knew that you might one day look into your love's eyes while performing unspeakable acts on a dirty sofa (used for this express purpose in a city of 30 million) in a filthy hospital in china, so you can conceive.  conceive of what??   upchucking?   

so i was very unhappy to have been told last month, not only that we were infertile, but this particular message was delivered to us by a sweaty, dandruffed doctor who had molested us frequently for his tests, and couldn't pronounce the letter "L".  so i decided that if the misterrrr docterrrrrr, couldn't say it officiarrrry, then maybe i think it wasn't true.  i was also mildly upset, as i recalled that the clothes that calvin and i had bought on each trips in anticipation for a little calvin jr. (c.j.) and angie jr. (a.j.) that one day these would not be worn by our future minions, but by children that i would feel funny asking to call me mommy.  "you don't have to, webster, if you're uncomfortable, just call me ma'am."  remember that, he used to call them george and ma'am?  wtf.

so after nervously showing our privates to a lot of people in shanghai,  calvin was prodded, poked, pulled, pinched by several "speciarists."  i was stretched, injected (with something that felt like metal in my ass), pierced, inserted and pictures of my hu-hu were shown to me.  so yes ... joyous times.  on top of everything else, calvin and i weren't allowed to have sex.  we were strictly supposed to save our sperm, to have it injected in me.  and so instead calvin was to eat anything with lots of protein.   just to summarize.  shots, injections, and peanuts and steak for calvin.  no sex.

a couple of times, when i had to go to the local hospital by myself.  well, that was a party in a box.  i selected one of the many mismatched couches they found at the ugly mart to wait for them to call my number out of the swarms of women in the room. shuttled in and out of a room where 3-4 of us would sit since the hospital couldn't bother to send us in one by one, because taking you down a notch had to be part of this process.  i'm not kidding - like many things here, you know, to make you feel less unique.  like a "community".  so we witnessed each other lay down, straddle a table cover-less, and get an ultrasound-prod.  mooooooooooo. we were also expected to lay down our own tissue, and lest you forget to throw it away afterwards, you would get yelled at by an assistant flinging her ultrasound wand around at you, while shrieking for you to pick your shit up.

angie and calvin are doing unspeakable acts, only to not have a baby here in shanghai.  me, my eggs are trying to remain upbeat, but really i am so sick with sadness, and calvin sometimes feels even worse. 

back home

left david and pauline's today.  (ahnee had asked, when are you "moving out?" and i thought, shit, have i stayed here too long?  as i super slowly and very reluctantly packed my pajamas.) i left them a leafy plant i bought at the market for their apartment and making the bed felt sad, but that's just how i get.  our apartment gate greeted me with the usual tai-tai's high-pitched screeching (probably about who could be more annoying) and the sweaty, smelly delivery guy who was, i swear, taking aim to dampen me on my way to the elevator. opening the door, i noticed it smelled like hamster cage so i opened the windows to let the mosquitos devour me for a few minutes.  i looked down at my legs, and then closed the windows again.  unpacked, plugged in my computer, and vowed not to wait so long to blog again.  ah. home.

i met up with friends i hadn't seen for a long time at jimix yesterday.  lovely friends.  i mean, literally, they are all really sort of drop-dead beautiful.  of the friends i knew, amena works in the beauty industry and is kind of cross between phoebe cates and catherine zeta-jones, but like at 20.  she and her bi-racial sister turned so many heads i thought necks would snap, but they seemed to be used to it, and seemed to find it mildly irritating.  ceilen is an hk illustrator and is the last creature on earth who could make something like smoking seem marlene dietrich sexy cool and could easily pass for the latest model at shanghai tang.  even with my jerri blank hair, ruffly coral shirt and pasty skin, i had a "good times!" time amongst the long, tall reeds and felt a bit like i was dining with vogue. 

some mini updates from the us: got a long, missing-you e-mail from nancy which was super because i am missing her too.  finally heard from melissa and linda and hope to talk to them this weekend.   joyce is opening up her pastry store in brooklyn, mo had his photo show, and kim is moving to london for design school at st. martins.  here in shanghai, ahnee has her hunky pilot "reini" (reinhardt) in town so i doubt i'll see her too much.  got a kick-ass e-mail from kevin re tokyo and an offer from chikako to set up seeing sumo wrestler "stables" while there.  ema is there with jan too, so it will be awesome to see her and miwa's cousin who just opened a spa in harajuku.  can't wait for kyoto especially.  lately working on oriented stuff for the next speaker event, and smg has asked me to work full-time.

going to a vietnamese brunch all day at lauren and sylvie's place tomorrow.  i can't believe calvin is coming back on sunday.  where did the time go?  i feel i've been busier than ever.  action is the enemy of thought, isn't that what they say?

street walking

after seeing beloved chinese celebrities strutting their stuff on the red carpet to PLA music on t.v. recently, i thought it might be fun to list some of the people that i see in a typical day.  the way they dress, and how culturally and financial circumstance change people's notions of beauty.  i walk to work, and mostly along nanjing lu (the major retail/shopping street in shanghai, but live in a more local and residential area).  i find some of these faces fascinating, others pretty awful.  i'll do my best to add photos.

giggly school girls with feathery, lacey, ribbons & balls on cell phones. 

30 something housewives with contrasting colors that "tiao" (jump).

grammys in bruce lee kung fu shoes and oversize cardigans and black pants. 

construction workers in pinstripe suits carrying tooboxes. 

bad perms.   lots of bad perms.

long, thin chemically straighened hair. 

dandruff & stale body odor. 

taxi drivers forget to brush their teeth.  missing teeth.

ankle-high nylon pantyhose with pointy shoes on mopeds.

pink haired lady with pink haired shizhi, both in rhinestone jeweled sweaters.

babies with pants that open at the butt for potty training.

people of all ages wearing pajamas, the quilted variety with teddy bears to plaid flannel

no more fake bags

ok.  i've decided not to buy fake bags anymore after bag high looking at them they look nqr. not quite right.  you're not geting quality product, it'll probably bleed all over your hands, come in wrong color, unzipper itself, or start smelling funny. 

nancy and i got so excited, we left her little bunny liam with the bag lady.  don't worry, we rescued him!

bag guilt

per previous entry - real or not, now i totally regret getting the lavender balanciaga! i feel like a lame ass woman who caves into to buying a bag which is a "must have"/ iconic/and seen on the arm/shoulder of 10 foot tall white women in american magazines and parties. someone trying too hard.

...yet i blush like a schoolgirl who finds a new crush whence i see my soft, brown, miu miu bowling bag. sick!

pet life, totoro

hi. david and i had some fruit in the morning and then he went to work. he caught me on my way to work, good thing b/c he had given me his only key! i had 2 more made for them at the fabric market, but so did pauline, so now they have as many as the chin kids. went to work (i was actually a bit late, can you believe it? i underestimated thinking it was like 5 minutes, but it's more like 15) and then went home to talk to cal, buying him a little ox comb and shoe horn because i missed him and it made me feel better. when i got home, he was waking up for his first day of class. we sang a couple of songs to one another and then he went to breakfast and i called nancy.

waiting for her outside the portman, i saw 2 tall, well-dressed guys who looked blissful together. looked closer, and it was raul and massi - they were on their way to city supermarket after raving about lunch at "capital hostel" at the bund, all smiles and relaxed. finally, they got a chance to have a day together, after slaving away. 2 years, massi said, it had been. best buds hanging out ... that's the best.

we went crazy at the bag store. the manager calls herself lucy liu, so what do you expect. and it was located inconspicuously, as many stores that also sell real goods are, hidden in someone's livingroom in a suburban neighborhood of shanghai, but still near huai hai lu. i also took her to fabric market to make some pretty cashmere mini-dress and a chipao jacket. i'm getting used to hanging out with her - so not good for when she leaves for nyc. :( hey, but guess what? she took me to the bag place herself, the wardrobe person had brought her there sunday so she totally knew the drill. incredible how fast you can find secret treasures here in shanghai. driven by, as david said, how far women will go for a handbag. handbags are women's crack.

i was a bit late getting back to p.diddy's for dinner but i got to meet their ayi, and pauline and david were just heating up the dishes ayi had made in the microwave when i walked in. munching on veggies cooked with garlic and oil and some fruit for dessert, we listened to cctv-9 and talked about our days. i really feel like i am at home. oh, but cctv-9 had a huge blunder today, as footage of lynne putting on her make up, adjusting mike around her hair, and making gruesome faces will adjusting in the seat ran for a good 2-3 minutes in the middle of show about silk chinese handicrafts. oops. someone in production totally got caned and beaten.

pauline put in one my all time favorite movies, ever: totoro. so, of course she automatically rules. i love the family in the movie, but mei is still definitely my favorite. in osaka, when i was 14, i saw it with a bunch of entranced japanese kids on a tatami floor eating ice-cream cones in summer for the first time. hotokekimikusu and makudonaludo. but p. and me half-watched, mostly gabbing and giggling, although occasionally, i would catch a scene of the little family of 3 together, loving and looking out for one another, while waiting for someone they miss to come back.

first day of petdom

researching joyce's suggestions for our stay in kyoto last night while having "beverly hills ninja" on repeat mode, i somehow managed to get to sleep thinking about my appointment to see some apartments the next morning.  the next morning, my appointment got postponed halfway during my cab ride to the realtor.  annoying.  but whatever - it gave me more time to shop for a nice dinner for pauline + david, obsess over which ryokan has the most authentic charm and also wasn't going to break the (well, our) bank, and finish packing.

so i have to say, there are some real a**holes working on the set whose sensitivity radars must have broken.  like racist, misogynistic liars kind of a**holes.  it seems that ken has been really great, helping nancy feel welcome on set and a part of the movie.  she's endlessly supportive, it's a part of her nature to do so, so it's upsetting to see her feel ostrasized or left out.  i told her i'd go to set after david + pauline's house, but later she went on her own, and hung out in ken's trailer for the more difficult scenes and said she was okay.  hopefully we're going to fabric market to make chipaos (not a red silk one with black piping, as kelly hu did, which screams tourist) and maybe stop by the cute knock-off bag place she found.

#1 im with calvin: 1pm shanghai time/6 am london time.  i was so excited when calvin called to let me know he was okay from airport, but when we were able to use my new i-sight and video chat i've never thanked my lucky stars more that i am married to a genuine nerd.  eventhough his crappy camera made him look like a chuck close painting (and when he got close the the camera like a raven-haired max headroom) the pauses in our conversation punctuated by familiar facial expressions and the big smile i could defnitely make out were just awesome.

david, pauline, ahnee and me had dinner at their place of leftover curry and vegetables their ayi had made for them and caught up on everything.  hope to make them dinner tuesday.  i felt a little bit wierd knowing ahnee was going to leave after hanging out tonight, while i was going to be in the apartment for the next week (a moment when she told me to take the mooncakes home, and i said smilingly-i am home-followed by silence).  but d+p, or p+d, or p-diddy have done so much to make me feel comfy here, i'm overwhelmed.  it's just the way they are.  i totally feel like i'm staying with family.  when cal and i were im-ing he was like, "all the sweetness of shanghai is all contained in one apartment!"

#2 im with calvin: 9 pm shanghai time/2pm london time. david's wireless started working, and so while ahnee and pauline were watching "iron giant" i pinged him with great hope on i-chat.  he had just woken up,  freshly napped, showered and fed/hydrated and seemed like a new man.  the excitement to meet his new friends was definitely palpable. the night before he left and i was making sure everything was ready he said, i feel like i'm going to summer camp.  summer camp for adults doing business. but i could tell he was nervous. (calvin: let's rock, let's rock today.)

i'm sleepy.  we had a lot of food tonight, maybe it's the potatoes. 

i become david + pauline's pet

i've taken up an incredible offer from david + pauline to crash at their apartment while cal is away.  i feel so family comfy with them, i can't say why.  couple's chemistry?  like david called ahnee to arrange a get together before i actually enter third-wheeldom, so super-thoughtful you know?  they even called me a roomie.  although if it wasn't for the fact that we learn something good being with them, after hanging out calvin and i could easily feel like we're covered in tacks and complete assholes.  which, well, sometimes we are.

now i have a reason to be excited and pack for my OWN trip!  hm, just can't figure out whether to bring otto von mumbles.  they even said i could eat their ayi's home cooked meals!  wouldn't you want to stay with them too?  so.  every freaking minute will rule.  yes!

the dragonfly massage with calvin was so good last night i got them one - i really hope i don't annoy the crap out them.  i will do my best.  (so no, i've decided i won't bring otto von mumbles. he is a 5 foot long stuffed seal.  put back now.) 

they are totally saving me from highway-ing to catherine deneuve in polanski's "repulsion" while calvin is away.  you laugh, but no.  don't.

calvin off for TRIUM module 1: london

last night i made ground chicken + peas + egg "wappas" for dinner last night (an attempt at the san francisco restaurant maki, next to kinokuniya in j-town mall) , and went together for dragonfly massages afterwards. that was nice.  it was a little sad, but we were so busy packing and stuff and i think we were both trying not to make it too difficult. 

we saw raul and massi this morning (r. just flew in this morning) and was bursting at the seams to tell us his idea for a cooking show.  this is the man who makes his own cheese during his 3 years in china.  need i say more?  back from his world-wide search, he got a buncha business development job offers suited to his business background, but this show idea has been consuming him and wants to see if we can help him make it work. it's crazy and i love it but more about that later.  massi quit his abusive fashion job, i mean literally, he had bruises all over his legs and torn hands from moving them to xinzhuang.  when the ignored him and told him he should deal with it as a "laowai" - well you can figure it out.  the boss' favorite phrase was, "massi, i don't think you understand." funny, talking to a guy who translates and writes literature in french, russian, italian, speaks english, mandarin and shanghainese.  what sad douchebags.

after hugs and catch up, cal and i hi-tailed it to the new burger king in shanghai, which made us so tired we fell asleep instead of having the 20 minutes of qt before departing for bus station.  so burger king now officially sucks.  calvin hopped on bus to pudong international airport, where he'll fly to hk, then london.  there was a super bitchy woman who wouldn't let me even kiss calvin goodbye at the bus stop (i did, of course, and made it a 2). after he got on, i stood there, then started walking alonside the slow moving bus, secretly hoping i might catch one more glimpse - and luckily spotted the top of his spikey "1980's kid n' play" haircut by the window. i knocked on the window, and we waved really hard at one another, recreating a very ariane chavasse-frank flannagan "love in the afternoon" departure, except i didn't get on the red bus covered with chinese logos shamelessly farting pollutants in the air.

one of our favorite things when we travel together is to eat our yamazaki sandwiches from sogo at jiuguang (me, tuna, calvin, smoked chicken) and sports drinks while excitedly talking about what we might see together on that bus. but this time he's on this big adventure alone.  i'm so proud of him and i know he's just going to do great at school.  meeting more smart, like-minded people you're able to share your passion with just rocks.  besides, getting shanghai out of his lungs will probably cure him of his cat allergies.  he even bought these swank mooncakes to share with everyone during the coffee break when he gets in. so - i hope he meets some nice people.

calvin keeps phone-bombing me with tons of luffy duffy/mushy smses, and just called right before turning off cell.  so sorry if this entry is scattered and stuttery.  but see why i'm going to miss him so?

ps.  london, take care of calvin or i will totally kick you in the nuts!

dmc in shanghai this sunday

from super gary, shanghai's champion ... aka dj v-nutz (see below)

::support local talent and music scene - dj showcase, b-boys, mc freestyling, and live graffiti::

10 chinese djs battle for one champion title!  the winner will be sent to london for the world competition 09.25.

judges: kingpin (Aus), mr. stokes (US), mr. tsang (AUS), melkman (US), shorty's (China), v-nutz (China)

he's also be in london to judge again, but will miss calvin by just 1 week!